These Advice given by A Father Which Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

However the truth quickly became "utterly different" to his expectations.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The direct words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get some help. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his struggles are symptomatic of a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I failed to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's feelings alongside the day-to-day duties of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotion and interpret his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked reliable male parenting. Despite having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help is not failure - looking after you is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are on this path."